All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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