every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
