its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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