with your own penis?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
