i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
