Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
