I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
