Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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