My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
