addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
