So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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