You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
