We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
