porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
