The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
