Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I supernannyed him into submission
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
