I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
