i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
