Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
