He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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