Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
