he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
