I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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