So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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