"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
