Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
