I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
