Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
