I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
