Do you still have your period?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
