What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I'm really busy with my period
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
