How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
