Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
