He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
