I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
