Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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