he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
