I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
