Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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