i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We got so high we made milksteak
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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