I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
