Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize