another moral hangover. fuck.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
