i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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