dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
