: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
