Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
