How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
