The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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