Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
ttyl tear gas
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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