I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
