I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
