I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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