video games are the ultimate cock blocker
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
