Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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