New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
