I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
