life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
