captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
