i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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