So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
