What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
