Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
