she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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