Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
