im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
