i jhust puked up my retainher.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This house was built for laser tag.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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