my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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