Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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