my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
