Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
