so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
